


Spilled Milk

by DovaBunny



Series: Fenders Ficlets [4]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Fenders, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, Modern AU, One Night Stand, Plot Twist, angst with happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 14:58:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12256662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DovaBunny/pseuds/DovaBunny
Summary: “Do you have a ride home, Anders?”Maker hearing him say Anders’ name made his chest flip.“I, err, I took the bus here I can just ta-”“Nonsense.” Fenris picked up his keys and slid from the booth. “I’m taking you home.”_____________Anders has a secret and Fenris is not as brave as he thought. What becomes of them when the two collide?





	Spilled Milk

Anders felt numb. 

He stared blankly at the ceiling, eyes wet but unseeing. The streaks the countless tears left over his cheeks now cold and harsh. 

His chest hurt. Breathing hurt. His shattered heart that still somehow kept beating… hurt like hell. 

He could still see it, the image burned into his mind. That look on Fenris’ face when he looked up and saw Anders standing there… 

Anders felt ruined. 

***

_ Anders took a sip of his apple cider as Varric told another outlandish story about a redhead and a qunari. Their regular corner booth at the bar was familiar, the lighting dim enough to be intimate, but warm enough to feel comfortable. It was where six best friends met every Friday night despite all living in the same apartment building.  _

_ The table erupted in laughter, but Anders missed the punchline.  _

_ He was shyly staring up at the big green eyes across the table, sparkling with laughter. At the dimple that only appeared when Fenris gave a genuine smile. And how his white hair fell over his eyes as he shut them in mirth.  _

_ He was beautiful like this. Free and uncaring. But for Anders, Fenris had always been beautiful. _

_ Hawke bumped against Fenris shoulder and the elf locked eyes with the man. Anders dropped his gaze back to his cider, idle fingers toying with the label. He kept doing this to himself. Pining over a man who would never want him; who could do so much better.   _

_ But that didn’t stop him sneaking looks at the elf whenever he wasn’t looking. That didn’t stop him from wearing that one shirt Fenris once idly said looked nice on Wicked Grace nights, hoping Fenris would somehow still think he looked nice. Hoping to get so much as a second look. _

_ He wore a new shirt tonight. A pretty dark green the saleswoman said looked great against his single golden earring, blond hair, and honey-amber eyes. He thought of Fenris when he bought it. Hoping he’d notice.  _

_ It was hopeless, this crush, but he couldn’t stop his foolish heart from yearning for what it couldn’t have.  _

_ Sebastian was the first to leave. “Well, I need to open for morning prayer tomorrow, so I better be off.” After two more rounds Merrill got the giggles because of too many pink drinks and Isabela took her home too.  _

_ Varric and Hawke kept trying to one up the other with stories of the drunkest they’d ever seen a dwarf, making Fenris laugh under his breath and shake his head, looking at his friends with a fond expression. Anders smiled idly at the banter and ducked his head, running his fingers through his hair. He had left down tonight, thinking maybe it looked better.  _

_ He took another sip of his cider and looked up, only to see green eyes fixed on him.  _

_ For a moment he couldn’t move. Fenris’ gaze was curious and intense, like he was seeing Anders for the first time. Like he only now realised Anders had been there all night.  _

_ Anders felt heat rise to his cheeks.  _

_ Fenris cleared his throat. Keeping his eyes on Anders he tilted his head towards Varric. “Hey Varric, didn’t you say you still have that report to your editor that’s due before 12 tonight?” _

_ Varric’s eyes went wide as he remembered and Hawke stopped mid-laugh. The two looked at each other, then at Fenris, then followed his gaze to Anders at the other side of the table, a blush on his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. _

_ “Oh shit broody, you had to go and spoil the illusion didn’t you? Urgh, but you’re right. C’mon Hawke, you’re my ride. Let’s go.” _

_ Hawke tried to argue, tried to tell Varric to just call a taxi, but the dwarf quickly reminded the big man of all the favours he owed him. The two left loudly arguing over who was the better friend.  _

_ Anders watched them go, smiling to himself. His friends were idiots. It was only when he turned back to the table that he realised he and Fenris were the last two left. The elf was looking at him again, his eyes unreadable.  _

_ “Do you have a ride home, Anders?” _

_ Maker, hearing him say Anders’ name made his chest flip.  _

_ “I, err, I took the bus here I can just ta-” _

_ “Nonsense.” Fenris picked up his keys and slid from the booth. “I’m taking you home.” _

_ “O-okay,” Anders stuttered and stood.  _

_ The car ride was a blur of street lamps, soft music over the radio, and the scent of Fenris all around him. Anders didn’t know what to say and Fenris seemed happy with the silence between them. Anders took a steady breath and looked out the window, trying not to think too much of the kind offer.  _

_ Anders wiped his clammy hands on his jeans as they pulled into the apartment building’s garage. Fenris parked smoothly, and without a word exited the car and waited for Anders to join him. Once he did, Fenris simply entered the lift first and turned to watch Anders enter after him, giving him that intense look again.  _

_ Anders’ hand trembled when he pressed the button to his floor, only for Fenris to press the button for his own floor which was two levels below Anders’. _

_ The lift doors closed and before Anders could think of something to break the heavy silence between them - Fenris was on him. Olive skinned hands dug into blond hair grabbing hold to pull Anders’ face down where lips met in a searing kiss.  _

_ Anders’ brain went completely blank for a moment, overwhelmed, before he gave in.  _

_ Anders kissed him back desperately, a moan escaping from the back of his throat as he shut his eyes tightly, his whole existence reducing to the slide of hungry, soft lips over his. His trembling hands reached for Fenris, long fingers curling around his neck to bring him even closer. Fenris moved his lips over Anders’ bottom lip and sucked gently, a hot wet tongue briefly slipping out, making Anders groan and push his body up against Fenris’.   _

_ Fenris titled his head to deepen the kiss, that tantalizing hot velvet tongue requesting entry Anders was only too eager to give - only to be interrupted by the ding announcing they’d reached Fenris’ floor.  _

_ Lips separated, but only barely as hot breath still mingled as they panted against each other, eyes slowly opening to search the other.  _

_ Then, Fenris smiled. That smile that was always directed at someone else, the one that showed his dimple and lit up his eyes, but this one was just for Anders, and that thought made his heart clench.  _

_ He made to move, because surely this didn’t mean that-  _

_ “No…” Fenris murmured, reaching out for Anders’ hand. “ No, the night is not ending here,” Fenris said with a shake of his head.  _

 

_ Fenris’ twined their fingers together and pulled the stunned man to his apartment.  _

_ Fenris didn’t once think to ponder the look of uncertainty or nervous hesitance in Anders’ eyes, instead melting into desperate kisses and and eager, hot tongues. Fenris didn’t notice the way Anders trembled when he led him into the bedroom and pulled off their clothes between heated moans and exploring lips. Fenris didn’t question the complete submission, instead letting his desire to possess the man lead him.  _

_ Fenris missed the way Anders gasped when a slick finger first penetrated him, lost in the heady taste of Anders swollen, leaking head on his tongue. Fenris didn’t stop to wonder why Anders cried out and clung to him like a drowning man when he finally pushed his thick cock into the unbelievably slick, tight heat of Anders’ body, lust and want driving him to rock their bodies together in rhythmic thrusts as Anders panted harshly against his neck.  _

_ It wasn’t until Fenris fell back on the bed, trying to catch his breath and still coming down from a blindingly powerful orgasm that had him pulsing deep inside Anders for long moments of pure bliss, that he opened his eyes to regard the man who had curled up against his side, arms wrapping around him to hold on tight as tremors still ran through the tall blond’s body.  _

_ Fenris cautiously put his arm around Anders’ shoulders, shifting his position while Anders was holding on like he feared being teared away. He watched as Anders finally stopped shivering and slipped off into sleep, soft blond hair falling onto Fenris’ chest where Anders’ head was nestled under his chin, seemingly lulled by Fenris’ heart still pounding in his chest, but now for a completely different reason. _

 

_ The room and bed were not his, but the scent was achingly familiar. The previous night’s events rushed back to Anders, his hands feeling desperately around in the covers for the other body that should be there.  _

_ For a brief moment Anders felt panic rise in his chest - it was a mistake, Fenris regretted it, he was wrong -  only to remember that Fenris went for early morning jogs. He had probably slipped out and didn’t want to wake him.  _

_ Anders fell back into the pillows and laughed at his own overreaction. He let the memories of the previous night play over in his mind, and pulled Fenris’ pillow over his face to squeal in delight, smelling the elf on it made his heart swell and cheeks hurt from smiling. Never, never would he have thought this possible. It was perfect.  _

_ An idea had Anders quickly sitting up in bed - breakfast! It was Saturday and neither of them worked on a Saturday, he’d make them breakfast! Fenris would love to come back from his jog to a nice warm breakfast, surely? _

_ Anders giggled in excitement as he slipped out of the bed, almost tripping as he quickly pulled on his clothes, darting out and up two floors to get some ingredients from his apartment.  _

_ Pancakes and bacon, that’s what he was going to make. He hoped Fenris would like it. T _ _ he slight burn from the previous night's activities made him blush and grin to himself until he felt foolish _ _. This was the happiest he’d been in such a long time.  _

_ He had the chance he so desperately wanted, the chance to show Fenris what they could be, to show Fenris how he felt, and he wasn’t going to waste it.  _

_ He balanced the milk on the carton of eggs, a pack of bacon tucked under his arm as he stepped out of the lift, turning towards the corridor only to suddenly freeze… _

_ The door to Hawke’s apartment slowly opened, and Fenris appeared.  _

_ The elf had his shoes in his hand, his hair messed and his shirt on backwards, clearly sneaking out of the apartment while quietly closing the door behind him.  _

_ It felt like a punch in the gut. H _ _ is steps faltered, but the white noise in his ears muffled the crash of the milk bottle as it hit the ground. _

_ Fenris’ head whipped around at the sound and his eyes went wide at the sight of the blond man standing there with eyes big and disbelieving, mouth open and silent, with broken eggs, spilled milk, and a small pack of bacon around his feet.  _

_ For a few moments the two stood staring at the other. Anders felt like his whole chest was being crushed under the weight of his shattered heart. His mind was completely blank save for the image in front of him.  _

_ Fenris swallowed. “Anders, I-” _

_ Anders didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t.  _

_ Anders lifted a trembling hand to silence Fenris and took an unsteady step back, followed by another. Then he turned on his heel and ran.  _

 

_ *** _

 

Anders felt ruined. 

Worst of all, he had no right to be angry at Fenris. Fenris had made no claim of caring for him, had made no promise of devotion, had done nothing but take him to bed. But Anders and his foolish, foolish heart had gone and given him everything. 

Fresh, hot tears welled in his eyes as Anders sank his head onto his knees. He was seated in the corner of his room, cursing and hating himself for his own stupidity. 

In the other room he heard his phone ringing again. He’d been sitting there for hours. 

He couldn’t see any of his friends. He couldn’t see  _ him.  _ He wasn’t strong enough to face his shame. 

 

***

 

Fenris knocked on Anders’ door. 

Nobody had seen the man in two weeks. Not since… that night. 

Varric checked at the hospital and Anders had been showing up to work, but he wasn’t answering any of their calls, nor did he open when they knocked. 

Fenris knew it was his fault. He knew what the man had seen. 

“Anders! I know you’re there. I need to talk to you.”

Nothing. 

“Anders! Enough of this! Stop being a child and open the blighted door!”

The door swung open. Anders stood looking down at the shorter man. His eyes were absent in a way Fenris had never seen them. His expression was blank, but his already thin body seemed somehow thinner, shiny hair now messy and unbrushed in a rough ponytail. 

Maker, the man looked like he hadn’t eaten or taken care of himself since they last saw each other. 

“Anders?” Fenris’ heart clenched at seeing the shy, sweet man that was so full of life looking so haunted. 

“What do you want, Fenris?” His voice was rough and cold, but somehow just as empty and distant as the look in his eyes.

“I…” Fenris cleared his throat and remembered why he had come in the first place. “I am here to talk. I’ve tried to call and hoped you would show somewhere, but it seems you have been avoiding me.”

Anders stared at him, not denying it. 

“What you saw, that morning, when I left Hawke’s apartment-”

“Fenris, please.” Anders dropped his head and closed his eyes, his rounded shoulders suddenly making him seem small and brittle. “Let’s just forget-”

“No,” Fenris said firmly. He stepped closer, drawing the blond’s eyes back to him. “Anders, I know what it looked like, but it wasn’t what you think.”

“So you were there at 7am on a Saturday to do what, then, Fenris? Please, spare me the lies.”

Anders turned to close the door, but Fenris stepped into the doorway, blocking him. 

“I’m not leaving before you believe me, Anders. I went to Hawke after you fell asleep because I needed to talk to him.”

“Talk!? Really, Fenris? At 3 in the morning you had to TALK to the hot guy across the hall while you left me in your bed?”

“Vehendis, Anders, I’m not lying!” Fenris didn’t know how to handle this. He hadn’t expected to see the man like this. Anger had always been how he dealt with things he didn’t know how to handle, and he felt it rising in his hopelessness. “What do you want from me! You won’t see us, you won’t let me explain, you won’t even look at me! If I knew this is how you treat a one night stand I would’ve never let myself be one of them.”

Anders narrowed his eyes and met Fenris’. 

“ _ One of them? _ ” he said slowly through gritted teeth.

“Oh, come on, Anders, Isabela told us about how ‘popular’ you were in high school and how you got around in college. Kaffas, you’re reacting like a child! One would swear it was your first time.”

At that Anders bit his bottom lip hard and averted his eyes, refusing to show the tears that were threatening to spill. 

Fenris froze. Something in his chest twisted. Surely it couldn’t be… 

“Anders?”

The blond turned away. 

“Anders?” he tried, softer this time. “Was that…?”

“Yes, okay?!” Anders snapped back, eyes filled with tears. “It was my first! All those stories about high school and college were not real. They were rumours that everyone just believed because I flirted a lot. So go on, laugh, I don’t care anymore. I was stupid for thinking it meant anything in the first place.”

Anders felt so stupid for thinking Fenris cared, for expecting a one night stand with a platonic friend after a night of drinking to mean anything, for holding onto his virginity for so long because it never ‘felt right’. 

Because when it finally did feel so right, it had been the biggest mistake he ever made. 

But try as he may Anders couldn’t stop the hollow ache in his chest. He folded his arms around himself and hung his head. 

Anders didn’t know what he expected. For Fenris to walk away, to laugh, maybe, to agree that he was stupid and should be ashamed, perhaps even be repulsed. What he didn’t expect was a gentle hand reaching out to lift his chin, pained eyes meeting his. 

“Anders I… I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Looking back the signs were there, Fenris was just so lost in Anders he didn’t see them. The desperation, the hesitation, the trembling, the complete trust and submission, the way he clung to him… that look of utter devastation and anguish when he saw Fenris leaving Hawke’s apartment. 

“You wouldn’t have wanted me if I did,” Anders whispered with a rough, shaky voice. “And I wanted you so badly I couldn’t risk that.”

Fenris took Anders’ face tenderly into his hands, gently wiping away the tears as he looked into those beautiful honey-amber eyes. Seeing them so full of hurt… He couldn’t. He had to come clean, be honest with Anders. The man deserved the truth. 

“Anders, I went to Hawke because I felt overwhelmed. I had… I had believed Isabela’s tales about you, and thought after that night I’d just be another notch on your bedpost. But when I watched you sleep in my arms I felt more than I thought I had any right to on a one night stand, and I ran. I’m sorry.”

Anders blinked away the tears and searched his eyes. “You… you did?”

“Yes. I told him I was scared of falling for you. I was scared that acting on my crush might have ruined it. I was scared you’d see right through me, see that I wanted so much more than just one night and that you’d reject me.”

“You…” Anders sniffed, “You wanted more?”

“I still do.” Fenris stepped closer to Anders. He gently tucked a stray blonde lock behind his ear and ran his fingers slowly down Anders’ neck. “If you’ll have me, I am yours.”

“This… this isn’t real.” Anders whispered, his wide honey-amber eyes searching Fenris’. “It can’t be.”

“I’ve wanted you for too long, Anders. I’m done pretending like I don’t. I know I hurt you, but if you’ll let me I want to show you that what I feel is real. Let me prove what I say is true, and let me make up for my mistake - you didn’t deserve for your first to be wild and rushed after a night at the bar. Let me make love to you, show you what it can be like… please.”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Anders whispered, his voice rough with emotion.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Anders murmured as Fenris kissed him deep and slow, closing the door behind them. 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Anders said with a smile as he led them into the bedroom.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Anders cried out as Fenris tilted his hips just so that his slow, deep thrusts caused his hot cock to hit that spot that made him lose himself in pleasure. 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Anders panted as Fenris held him close while they caught their breaths in post-orgasm bliss. 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Anders said softly as his broken heart mended in the arms of the man who held all the pieces. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for virgin Anders man... But thanks so much for reading :D 
> 
> Did you like it?? Leave me a kudos or/and a comment!
> 
> Love, wine, and elfroot <3


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